There are plenty of factors that matter when it comes to having pleasurable and riveting sex. Connection, chemistry, mood setting (and maybe not jumping into bed directly after a big meal) can all affect how good of a time you have. However, when you break it down to its most basic bones, if you’re dealing with someone with a vagina and/or someone with a penis, you’re going to want to know what the difference is between the two, and how to stimulate them to the best of your ability.

While their differences may seem obvious, the two share more overlap than you may think! Let’s dive *deep* into the exciting world of genitalia and see what may provide a better understanding of your body—and an even better sex life.

Anatomy of the Clitoris

Many wonder what is the clitoris, where is the clitoris, and how to find the clitoris, which makes it perhaps the most mysterious of genitalia, though truly, it’s not as elusive as we’ve made it to be.

Located on the top of your vulva, the clitoris is a female’s pleasure center. It’s a small button-like area on the outside that extends into a much larger network of tissues and nerves on the inside. Made of regular tissue, connective tissue, and muscle, the outside part of the clitoris is covered with what’s known as a clitoral hood, forming the upper part of your labia. Not useful for any reproductive reasons, its only purpose is to provide you pleasure, which makes it a true superstar in the sex game.

Those with a clitoris often claim to only be able to access a clitoral orgasm; in fact, according to a 2017 study, only about 18% of women achieve orgasm through penetration alone. This is why it’s important to know where the clitoris is and how to center it during intimacy. 

A quick how-to guide on clitoral stimulation:

• The clit can be stimulated in a variety of ways, using fingers, oral, sex toys, or other genitals, to name a few
• It feels best when there’s gentle and consistent rhythmic touch, keeping communication with your partner along the way
• Incorporating shifts in temperature, textures, and speeds can help make the experience all the more mind-blowing
• Don’t be shy—ask for guidance and whether you’re working the right area!

Many wonder if girls can cum, and the answer is: yes! Just not exactly in the same way that men (or those with a penis) do. Ejaculation occurs when fluid— not necessarily urine— is expelled from your urethral opening during arousal, which may present as (but is not exclusive to) squirting. Female ejaculation contains some of the same components as semen, alongside some watered-down urine. For some, it’s a thick, whitish fluid. For others, it may appear as clear as water.

Anatomy of the Penis

The anatomy of a penis is much more straightforward than the clitoris, but by no means less important to understand.

A complex external organ, the penis is made up of the shaft, which contains the urethra and three columns of erectile tissue, wrapped in a band of connective tissue called the fascia and covered with skin. The base of the penis is supported by connective tissues known as suspensory ligaments, holding the penis to the pelvic bone. 

While the penis functions for both peeing and reproducing, arousal is indicated by an erection, aka a stiffening that can be triggered by mental or physical stimulation. It occurs when there is an increased flow of blood that engorges the penis, sometimes even occurring during sleep or upon waking. It’s true— morning wood is beyond anyone’s control.

The most sensitive area of the penis is the frenulum, the band of tissue found where your foreskin intersects with the head of the underside of your penis (if uncircumcised.) Note: This is helpful to remember when stimulating a penis.

Helpful tips for penile stimulation: 

• From massaging the shaft of the penis with your hands, to stimulating it orally, to using it for penetration, the penis contains a significant amount of nerve endings that make pleasure relatively easy to achieve.
• What matters most is consistent rhythm, excessive moisture, and gentle pressure
• The tongue is a shaft’s friend, while the teeth is its enemy

What do the clitoris & penis have in common?

Despite seeming vastly different, these two genitals have more in common than you may think. Because of their similarity in nerve endings and blood flow engorgement, the clitoris is often referred to as a miniature penis. 

The two function similarly as sensory organs, being sensitive to touch and having the ability to give you orgasms. The foreskin of the penis resembles the clitoral hood of a clitoris, though they of course vary in size.

Similarly, the head of the penis is similar in sensitivity and arousal to the external nub of the clitoris; however, the rest of the clitoris is inside the body, unlike the shaft of the penis which remains external.

While the female orgasm is much more complex to achieve, the male orgasm is much more straightforward. Both males and females experience muscular contractions during an orgasm, but the female’s effects are usually longer yet less frequent during intercourse. A male orgasm is shorter in duration, yet more frequent during intercourse. It’s also worth noting that the subsequent ejaculation from a male orgasm contains semen vital for reproduction, while a female’s has no noted scientific purpose other than simply feeling good.